I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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