So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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