did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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