with your own penis?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
