I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
