wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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