Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize