She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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