We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I touched a dick in church today
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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