I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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