I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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