Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Never joke about your clitoris.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
