I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
