youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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