we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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