I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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