sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
