so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
