Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
