The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
