Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
