What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
