yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Is it penis luge time yet?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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