Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Enjoy the penises
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize