Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
