I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
