I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
