you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
