I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
