so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
