just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
