My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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