we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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