I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
