The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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