I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
