Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I didn't notice because vodka
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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