Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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