Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
