I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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