people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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