very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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