I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
