I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
only you would photoshop your dick
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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