Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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