i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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