I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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