Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
