eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
