Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
