can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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