the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
