I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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