fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
