A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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