a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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