Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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