We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
