I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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