shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm too high and old for this...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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