I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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