how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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