I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
