my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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