I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
