my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
