Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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