he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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