There was a lot of him and a little penis
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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