I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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