This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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