it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
