i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
